Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize