oh god the rape fog is back!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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