I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
