I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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