I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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