oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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