And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
