the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
