so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
