Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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