I'm really into asian looking animals
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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