nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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