do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
