my vag is so smooth its legendary
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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