I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
