Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
