there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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