The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
