i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
