Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
