These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Found your dick twin last night
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
