The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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