bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
