He managed to light the Jello on fire...
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
