Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
