If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
