and you said cock pushups were impossible
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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