Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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