what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
