She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
