he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
