New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
