From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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