blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
