I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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