I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
