She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
