Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
