I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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