Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
