I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't deserve a penis
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
