He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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