It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
