i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I love you. Go after that dick
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
