Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
