i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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