just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
