i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
