Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
