Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
