He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
