talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
