I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
