when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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