Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
