Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
