They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
