Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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