do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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